Whether married for 1 year or 20, divorce can be both emotionally taxing and physically draining.  Many couples say the hardest part of the divorce is parting with someone they thought was a best friend, and often become bitter and angry with a former spouse.  If you properly prepare for divorce with a family law and divorce attorney, you can often avoid some situations that lead to bitter and messy divorces.   Take a look at a few tips to keep a divorce or legal separation from turning into a bitter battle. 

1. Communication

  While one of the main causes for divorce is a lack of communication and many have learned to expect the silent treatment from their soon to be ex-spouse, communication is still important during the divorce process.  This is especially true if there are children involved, and they can often feel unloved or ignored during the process.  As long as you and your spouse maintain communication with your child, you have one less thing to fight about and can move on with the help of a divorce attorney. 

Communication isn’t limited to discussions between spouses and should also extend to clear communication with your divorce attorney.  A family law and divorce attorney will be better able to help you address your concerns and advocate for your rights with clear and open communication.  When your attorney knows what you want for the future, he or she can advise on the best course of actions and the necessary steps needed to achieve your goals after the divorce is finalized. 

2. Manage your expectations

If you had a rough work life balance before filing for divorce, and your soon to be ex-spouse had the same schedule, don’t expect a drastic change when filing for divorce.  This is especially true if marital children are involved.  Just because the situation changes doesn’t mean your soon-to-be ex will adapt in the same way you will.  Learn to acknowledge the expectations you put on others and ask if they are reasonable.  Many times when we face disappointment and bitterness it stems from unmet expectations in others. 

To help manage your expectations with childcare, visitation, and other important things to consider during divorce, work with a Columbus, Ohio family law practice.  Not only will a trained attorney help you with the divorce process, he or she will also help clarify things like child custody or shared parenting arrangements.  When you work with a family law attorney, you can ask them to help develop a plan and stick with it. 

3. Don’t keep a score card

Do you tally all the points in your current relationship to see who is winning?  If you are known to tally the grocery money and subtly (or not so subtly) remind your soon to be ex-spouse that you spent less money than him or her on a weekly basis you may be adding more stress to your life.  Are you currently separated and competing for the attention of your shared children?  Scorecards are never the way to go, especially when there are kids involved.  If you try to compete for love and affection from your children without actually paying attention to your kids, you may find yourself doing more harm than good.  One way to keep form being bitter and angry during the divorce is to understand that it will be a challenge, but it’s best to pay attention to the kids, and not the score.  Hire an attorney to track the score and advocate for your financial rights so you can better focus on healing and starting your new chapter in life. 

4. Be aware of negativity

Anger and bitterness only allows others to have rent-free space in your head.  Acknowledge that what happened was not ideal and not what you dreamed of for your life, but don’t let that define who you are as a person.  Working with an attorney can help you get to the bottom of the negativity and really work on the “what next” part of your life where you look to all the things that could help you grow after your divorce.  Don’t let divorce define you.  Rather let it be a springboard from which you can jump into a new challenge.  You will need to deal with the feelings of unease and jump back into society when you are ready, but do so with the knowledge that in your heart you still have more to discover about this world. 

Work with lawyers who practice family law in Columbus, Ohio.  After the initial consultation, listen to the ways in which the attorney can advocate for your rights. Also the information you will need to gather to start a new chapter in your life, free from the bitter clutter of negativity.  You may not have the perfect relationship with your former spouse, but this will help you and your children heal much faster. As well as provide a more stable foundation on which to write the next chapter in your life. 

If you or someone you love is contemplating divorce, it is best to hire an attorney to help during this difficult time.  An attorney will be able to advocate for your rights and work hard to help you prepare financially for your new future.  To arrange a confidential initial consultation, contact Edward F. Whipps & Associates.  You can schedule online or call the Columbus office at (614) 461-6006 or at our Dublin office at (614) 461-6007 to learn more about how the family law attorneys can help save you from a bitter and messy divorce.